Why Private Lives shouldn't be Public

The private lives of important people are often considered a yardstick of their professional abilities. Perhaps it’s based on the thought, that what we do to the people we love most (including ourselves) when we believe no one else will judge us or see– are the clearest windows into our character, our morals and our values. Yet, what makes news is not the success of our marriages, our roles as friends, spouses or children – but our failures in those roles. When private lives become public and the imperfections of our private decisions come into the spot-light, they stand alone, out of context and no longer balanced by the rights in our lives. They are just glaring failures of us, not as entrepreneurs or businessmen or politicians, but as men and women. Why would anyone ever like that person, much less vote for that person? Private failures belong to the people they happened to, and are not to be judged by the world at large. Those failures - they didn’t happen to the world.

Happy Thanksgiving

It's a little late to talk about Thanksgiving break - but better late than never no?

For Thanksgiving I flew from Iowa to Philadelphia on my way to New York. I really needed an excuse to visit Philadelphia - the first city I lived in the US, the city with the pink fountain and the large parks. In Philly I grew out of my teenage years, made life-long friends, held my first job and did a lot more of those 'first' kind of things. My friend and I had dinner at one of our favorite creperies and for breakfast we went to a quaint Belgian Waffle cafe. The hard sugar coated waffles (the owner assured us in a very American accent that this was authentic Belgian) and cups of steaming creamy coffee made this breakfast light and delectable. Alas, Philly was only a day stop to my journey to upstate New York. I decided to travel the distance between Philly and New York on a Greyhound. Greyhound never disappoints... the passengers were an electic mix of students, professionals, artists etc in all shapes and sizes. The driver of the wonderful Bus number 4901 was a African American lady who made it painfully obvious that she would much rather be at home instead of driving the bus between Philly and New York. We started fourty mins late and within a half hour, found ourselves stuck between another Trailways bus and a few SUVs for what turned out to be a 1hr traffic jam. While the passengers (including myself) were mostly dozing off to the soft sounds of rain on the dirt-stained windows, our driver was increasingly annoyed with the sound of some passenger's 'loud'music. Of course we at the back couldn't hear any music. After a lot of false starts and stops we approached the NY Lincoln Tunnel - The very last barrier between New Jersey and New York. Unfortunately, this was the moment that our driver decided that she had had enough of the 'loud music' and was going to pull over till the passenger in question turned off their music. We all turned our sleepy eyes to the front of the bus and tried extremely hard to pin down the culprit who was between us and home. The traditionally 2hr ride was already approaching 5hrs. 20 mins later the driver restarted the car and tried to get back on the road .. but the traffic being as it was, there was no space to let in a huge bus. So mins away from Lincoln Tunnel we waiting patiently for 40 mins till the driver got back on the road. I could hear the muted swears of many passengers yet noone really wanted the driver to pull over again. I felt like I was in school when no matter how unfair you think the teacher is - you don't argue with them for fear of detention. Once we entered the Tunnel our almost-snail speed decreased further - now rivalving a rock. In the next hour we inched forward until finally I literally saw light (street lights) at the end of the tunnel. Six and a half hours later, I finally arrived in New York City. Thankfully my family decided that they had had enough of waiting for the bus and came to pick me up. Another hour later, I found myself home with home cooked meals and the smell of Thanksgiving baking in progress. Next time when stopping in Philly during Thanksgiving - I'm taking the train. :)

Visiting the coast

No one walks in Iowa. I realised this while trying to get some bread at my neighborhood Caseys when the sidewalk suddenly disappeared into a patch of mud and never made it out. Boston in the Fall was like a breath of fresh air to this city-deprived girl. We walked around in charming squares listening to music, window-shopped and ate from the shops huddled around Quincy Market. I even modeled for a woman demonstrating how to wrap a dress in a 100 different ways. 10 looks later we fled to the Aquarium. We nudged our way through a pack of French tourists blocking the door of an Italian cafe and inhaled the delicious aromas of soft bread, dripping with olive oil and parmesan cheese. Fairly stuffed, we walked around Northend sampling from the famous pastry and gelato joints. I watched as a bunch of guys played frisbee in the twilight, and the streetlamps flickered on in corners. Couples sat in parks sipping their coffees and the crowds drifted from the parks to the resturants and pubs. I lay in bed that night listening to crowds below us laughing into the wee hours of the morning. We joined the college crowd for a heart breakfast on a Sunday morning with endless refills of fresh coffee. I another few hours it was over. My vacation felt like going home ... like pretending I had never moved out of the East Coast. I was sad to leave.. I miss the broad sidewalks that stretch along the streets, parks and river. I miss the walks.

Trip to Charleston

I wonder….

The trip to Charleston came at a time when I was bored, tired and simply wanting to get away from east Lansing. I have realized how much I like living in the city, among the hustle bustle..the opportunity to lose myself and immerse in the culture and the people around. To focus on others than on myself…hoping that by learning from others there is something I can learn about my own life…
Greyhound bus stations are always an interesting place…while I could avoid using the bus altogether and choose to fly…a more convenient alternative..it also means less sight seeing….another reason I like to subject myself to a greyhound trip (smelly people, people who seem to be on drugs, people from low SES, or students like me (this one is cool,J)...anyway a greyhound trip always forces me to engage with another type of America…a parallel world…before coming here (known to be one of the richest countries of the world)..I had never realized it is also one of the countries with a high unequal distribution of wealth…( cant seem to find the UN link ) …as I see these people…I wonder……why in this land of opportunity, isnt there enough to go around…but maybe I am just naïve or impractical….i wouldn’t want to give away my wealth ..would I? …anyways returning to my narrative this time I met a lady from Canada originally from Sialkot Pakistan who was visiting her husband in the US (after 4 years)..she talked about her young daughter who wanted to study..and go to college…infact she did go for a year at an equivalent of community college but in the US…it wasn’t recognized…the mother described how it was more imp to get married …I thought wow some things never change…also I kept thinking even in the US education can be such an equalizer…as someone interested in access issues..I wondered…is increasing access the solution or increasing it will just shift the scale…the job that required a high school diploma will now require a bachelors degree…

The bus ride from Lansing to south Carolina was rather eventful or entertaining I should say…my bus driver was quite rude…I kept thinking what is it with me and my bus excursions..anyways…coming back…in the beginning she had emphasized that if people were to use cell phones they should set the ringer off…now one must think..well how in the world is expecting people to be courteous rude…allow me to elaborate…there were many people who seemed like immigrants..who didn’t seem to understand English..the person sitting next to me was Irani…who had moved to the US only 3-4 months before..her phone went off several times..the driver kept announcing to switch off the phone…and said that the person sitting next to the person whose phone is going off should let them know it is not cool…initially I didn’t say anything but when the bus stopped for a 10 min break and the driver came up to the person sitting next to me and started shouting that she should have her phone down….I ventured to say that she doesn’t understand English ..the driver told me to “shut up” bcoz I was being disrespectful to her (the driver)..and that she wasn’t even talking to me…as I struggled to remind her that she did in fact ask me to ask my fellow irani traveler to keep her phone on silent at which she threatened to take me off the bus…I kept thinking why is the driver so angry and rude…is she unhappy, does she think I am disrespectful bcoz she is an African American who may have experienced oppression from time to time or bcoz she hates her job…while I thought all this I also thought…well person of color or not ..she was being unreasonable…and an otherwise calm me will not tolerate that..and I said I am not being disrespectful and will not shut up…from that point on in the trip..the driver didn’t announce anything as the phones went off…I WON..:-)


The morning of my first conference presentation…I was slightly nervous...my presentation room was bigger than usual..typically it is a 20-25 people space but my room was about 45-50 people…I hoped that since I was one of the first presenters less people are going to be there but my luck…the room was almost full…with my economics professor smiling and expressing how much she was looking forward to me presenting…I on the other hand, was going red (thinking thank god that I am not that fair and hopefully no one can see the red on my dark skin) , a thousand thoughts running through my mind… hoping that what I had to say was worth everyone's time …usually when I get super super nervous..I tell myself..damn that..I am good…and I am gonna let others experience it! So there I was presenting…speaking as if I knew what I was talking about…making eye contact, acknowledging other view points (as they arose) and hoping to learn a few things myself…my friend and also a presenter congratulated me as I finished the speech, answered the questions, and walked back to my panel seat ..RELIEVED!!! My fear of God or discussant I should say calmed down as she offered some insights from her own experience and suggestions of looking at my work from different angles…and I thought..cool..there is my next paper,:-)


Back at the hotel, I made a list of places I was gonna be visiting…I decided on the harbor and carriage tour….the water was absolutely gorgeous…I realized how much I would love to be by the sea…also south Charleston was so different….I had heard about the southern charm but on my carriage tour I experienced some..heard stories about how people in Charleston like to make things fancy for instance the cockroach is not really a cockroach but the palmetto bug…the stories about how the slave market was the only place you couldn’t sell slaves (bcoz slaves usually sold their produce in this area)….and how even in an over 100 degree F weather….it was indecent for women to expose….exposure equaling showing some ankle…and if you could see elbows..that can be a real riot…I wonder if there is a word for the society’s or male fear of women and their sexuality…why cant we just be but then again even though I think this…I don’t defy society either…for some reason even though unrelated..I thought of the quote by Seth….

Voices in my head
Chanting, “Kisses. Bread.
Prove Yourself. Fight. Shove.
Learn. Earn. Look for love,”
Drown a lesser voice,
Silent now of choice:
“Breathe in peace, and be
Still for once like me.”

To forgive and forget.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/16/opinion/16krugman.html

While it’s true that the Obama administration has its plate full, investigating the wrongs of the Bush administration is indeed the first step to righting them. Without the knowledge of what was done wrong and who did them, we are simply pulling the wool over our eyes and fooling ourselves that everything will be different this time around. How can there be ‘change’ if one simply doesn’t know what to change? The Bush administration showed us what whimsical planning and stubbornly executing bad concepts can lead to – lets make sure we don’t further drag ourselves down through impractical efforts to change everything.
An investigation is necessary, if not for anything else but to acknowledge the abuse of power, the violations and the deceptions of the previous administration. The Obama administration doesn’t want to spend too much time, money or effort digging through the muck but some things, no matter how futile, are necessary. This Mr. President is one of them. Let’s start the change on the right foot – the foot that knows where it’s heading.

McCain-Palin in their version of reality.

Never underestimate the Republican Leadership. A few weeks ago when Colin Powell too seemed outraged by his party’s new campaign motto of ‘pile on the slander’, I was convinced that McCain-Palin campaign had just hit rock bottom. The $150,000 makeover to make Palin more ‘relatable’ to all the hockey moms of America, is by far more ridiculous. I forget if I’m watching America’s Next Top Model or the Vice-Presidential Nominee for what used to be the most powerful country in the world.
I used to think the Republican campaign of being the ‘common Joe’ president was laughable. Then I saw the pictures of the masses of people who actually bought into it and wanted their next president to be ‘just-like-them.’ The McCains own 13 cars, eight homes and access to a corporate jet. At the convention, Cindy McCain was dressed in over $300,000 in jewelry alone. How out of touch with reality do you have to be, to think that $2,500 Valentino jackets will make you more relatable? More relatable to billionaire Joe Lewis maybe, not ‘Joe the Plumber’! The only thing average about McCain-Palin campaign is the level of intelligence, quality and foresight it has shown.
In this very volatile economy, I for one don’t want a President who thinks $2,500 is spare change. I definitely don’t want an average Joe dictating the economic health of the country for the next four years. I don’t want an average Joe in awe of Putin and Sarkozy, but someone who can match their intelligence and repair the damaged US foreign policy. In my ideal world, an average Joe would never be President. We deserve better than that.

Ref: Maureen Dowd, A Makeover With An Ugly Gloss

Mom knows Best.

My mom and I spent last week discussing the merits and demerits of graduating and getting a real job versus spending years writing a credible thesis. The allure of a real paycheck and spending more time outside the 4, slightly grey walls of my office was just too great a temptation. Imagine, my diet will venture outside caffeine-water, sugary stuff and flavored ethanol! My Mom on the otherhand, favors staying in school on my pittance of a stipend and spending time peering into a computer screen. As fate would have it, the New York Times agrees with her. All the Ex- and Would Be- WallStreeters will be playing safe and slugging it out in grad school for the next few years, waiting for iBanking to re-emerge from the ashes of the virtually dead Financial Market. Meanwhile, Maverick me will be getting my hands dirty in the toppling markets. Next year, my application to gradschool might feature "I always wanted to get a PhD.." .. ;)