I wonder….
The trip to Charleston came at a time when I was bored, tired and simply wanting to get away from east Lansing. I have realized how much I like living in the city, among the hustle bustle..the opportunity to lose myself and immerse in the culture and the people around. To focus on others than on myself…hoping that by learning from others there is something I can learn about my own life…
Greyhound bus stations are always an interesting place…while I could avoid using the bus altogether and choose to fly…a more convenient alternative..it also means less sight seeing….another reason I like to subject myself to a greyhound trip (smelly people, people who seem to be on drugs, people from low SES, or students like me (this one is cool,J)...anyway a greyhound trip always forces me to engage with another type of America…a parallel world…before coming here (known to be one of the richest countries of the world)..I had never realized it is also one of the countries with a high unequal distribution of wealth…( cant seem to find the UN link ) …as I see these people…I wonder……why in this land of opportunity, isnt there enough to go around…but maybe I am just naïve or impractical….i wouldn’t want to give away my wealth ..would I? …anyways returning to my narrative this time I met a lady from Canada originally from Sialkot Pakistan who was visiting her husband in the US (after 4 years)..she talked about her young daughter who wanted to study..and go to college…infact she did go for a year at an equivalent of community college but in the US…it wasn’t recognized…the mother described how it was more imp to get married …I thought wow some things never change…also I kept thinking even in the US education can be such an equalizer…as someone interested in access issues..I wondered…is increasing access the solution or increasing it will just shift the scale…the job that required a high school diploma will now require a bachelors degree…
The bus ride from Lansing to south Carolina was rather eventful or entertaining I should say…my bus driver was quite rude…I kept thinking what is it with me and my bus excursions..anyways…coming back…in the beginning she had emphasized that if people were to use cell phones they should set the ringer off…now one must think..well how in the world is expecting people to be courteous rude…allow me to elaborate…there were many people who seemed like immigrants..who didn’t seem to understand English..the person sitting next to me was Irani…who had moved to the US only 3-4 months before..her phone went off several times..the driver kept announcing to switch off the phone…and said that the person sitting next to the person whose phone is going off should let them know it is not cool…initially I didn’t say anything but when the bus stopped for a 10 min break and the driver came up to the person sitting next to me and started shouting that she should have her phone down….I ventured to say that she doesn’t understand English ..the driver told me to “shut up” bcoz I was being disrespectful to her (the driver)..and that she wasn’t even talking to me…as I struggled to remind her that she did in fact ask me to ask my fellow irani traveler to keep her phone on silent at which she threatened to take me off the bus…I kept thinking why is the driver so angry and rude…is she unhappy, does she think I am disrespectful bcoz she is an African American who may have experienced oppression from time to time or bcoz she hates her job…while I thought all this I also thought…well person of color or not ..she was being unreasonable…and an otherwise calm me will not tolerate that..and I said I am not being disrespectful and will not shut up…from that point on in the trip..the driver didn’t announce anything as the phones went off…I WON..:-)
The morning of my first conference presentation…I was slightly nervous...my presentation room was bigger than usual..typically it is a 20-25 people space but my room was about 45-50 people…I hoped that since I was one of the first presenters less people are going to be there but my luck…the room was almost full…with my economics professor smiling and expressing how much she was looking forward to me presenting…I on the other hand, was going red (thinking thank god that I am not that fair and hopefully no one can see the red on my dark skin) , a thousand thoughts running through my mind… hoping that what I had to say was worth everyone's time …usually when I get super super nervous..I tell myself..damn that..I am good…and I am gonna let others experience it! So there I was presenting…speaking as if I knew what I was talking about…making eye contact, acknowledging other view points (as they arose) and hoping to learn a few things myself…my friend and also a presenter congratulated me as I finished the speech, answered the questions, and walked back to my panel seat ..RELIEVED!!! My fear of God or discussant I should say calmed down as she offered some insights from her own experience and suggestions of looking at my work from different angles…and I thought..cool..there is my next paper,:-)
Back at the hotel, I made a list of places I was gonna be visiting…I decided on the harbor and carriage tour….the water was absolutely gorgeous…I realized how much I would love to be by the sea…also south Charleston was so different….I had heard about the southern charm but on my carriage tour I experienced some..heard stories about how people in Charleston like to make things fancy for instance the cockroach is not really a cockroach but the palmetto bug…the stories about how the slave market was the only place you couldn’t sell slaves (bcoz slaves usually sold their produce in this area)….and how even in an over 100 degree F weather….it was indecent for women to expose….exposure equaling showing some ankle…and if you could see elbows..that can be a real riot…I wonder if there is a word for the society’s or male fear of women and their sexuality…why cant we just be but then again even though I think this…I don’t defy society either…for some reason even though unrelated..I thought of the quote by Seth….
Voices in my head
Chanting, “Kisses. Bread.
Prove Yourself. Fight. Shove.
Learn. Earn. Look for love,”
Drown a lesser voice,
Silent now of choice:
“Breathe in peace, and be
Still for once like me.”
